Cool Ranch Kale Chips

Cool Ranch Kale Chips

Hola!

Remember the cool ranch Doritos? When I was a teenager I was extremely unhealthy. I wasn't obese because I was such a physically active person. I just never ate healthy so I was always chubby. From the ages of 10 through 16 I subsisted on Mcdonald's quarter pounders, peanut butter, starburst juicy fruit, snickers bars and Doritos. It is probably why I only grew to 5"2.

I used to get through a large packet roughly every two-three days. I even stained my white braces brackets the colour of the nacho seasoning. Looking back ten years later it is pretty funny because I used to have a stash under my bed, I was dependant on corn chips; ridiculous right? 

Since transitioning to vegan, then raw vegan I don't often get the urge for savoury snack food. When I do kale chips are the cheapest and most accessible resolution.  There are a million and one cheesy kale chip recipes festering on the Internet and experienced kale connoisseurs have their own special recipe up their sleeves.

I get really specific cravings. They can best be described as insane pregnant lady cravings. I became obsessed with the concept of cool ranch Doritos. I even clearly remember the blue packet, despite not having consciously strolled down the chip isle in eons. Clearly I was going to have to take matters into my own hands…

You will need:

• A large bunch of curly green kale, (other varieties will work well too)
• Cool Ranch Sauce
• A large bowl
• A blender/food processor
• A dehydrator (if Raw version), or an oven

Step one:

Cooking is a sensual experience. It needs to be savoured and enjoyed so you can put all your luvin into your food. So start blasting your favourite playlist strip your kale leave into a bowl. 

TIP: Take off your jewellery. No one wants cashews mashed into the crevices of their engagement ring

Cool Ranch Recipe

This legitimately tastes like the seasoning. It is epic and you should restrain yourself from drinking the sauce. There are quite a few ingredients, however these things should be quite common in a raw kitchen.

You will need:

• one cup cashews
• 2-3 tablespoons of hulled tahini
• 2 tablespoons of nama shoyu
• juice from 1/2 a lemon
• pinch of salt (I use herbamare)
• 1 Tablespoon parsley flakes
• 2 tablespoons dil seeds
• 2 tablespoons of dulse flakes
• 1 clove of garlic
• thumb of the root end of a green onion
• 1 teaspoon of ACV
• 1 teaspoon of white miso
• 1 teaspoon of coconut nectar or sweetener of your choice.
• 3/4 cup of water
• pepper to taste

Dump the ingredients in your blitzing device. Add the water 1/4 cup at a time and blend until it has reached the consistency of creamy salad dressing. It should not be watery.  Throw it on top of the kale and prepare to get messy.

 Now massage the sauce into the kale until the kale starts to feel soft and limp

Line your dehydrator trays with non stick baking paper.  Pop in your dehydrator on low- medium for roughly 4-5 hours. If you are baking, put on the lowest temperature and check every ten minutes. Baking kale chips can be tricky as they go from uncooked to smouldering ash in roughly two minutes so be careful.

TIP: If you are an Australian DO NOT BUY HOME BRAND BAKING PAPER! It will screw you over! Just go with the expensive brand and thank me later.

Once they are done. Attempt to put them into some sort of serving receptacle rather than scoffing them straight out of the dehydrator. 

voila! 

I hope you make them and fall in love with them like I did. 

Let me know how your efforts fared by commenting here or on my instagram kaitlingvegan

Peace out,

Kaitlin